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| Once upon a time, there was a beautiful mom who lived in a (mostly) beautiful world. She was gorgeous, inside and out, and she grew up with the whole universe at her fingertips. But for some reason, she just never quite believed the world was hers, and that she deserved every piece of it. Luckily, one day (while she was being beautiful), she met a man. This man was kind, handsome, goofy, and knew for sure that she was something special, even though she didn't believe it. He did really nice things for her (like open doors and make jokes when she was sad) and finally, through tenacity and persistence and sheer annoyance, he convinced her that he was her Prince Charming and that she was a real live princess who really deserved a guy like him! The Beautiful Mom and the Charming Dad fell madly in love and soon, they had two Spectacular Children! The years passed, and though the Charming Dad and the Beautiful Mom still loved each other, the Beautiful Mom got sadder and sadder, and one day, the Evil Doubt Dragon showed up and just would not go away! As her kids grew up and moved away, and she got older, she kept thinking she wasn't smart enough, or pretty enough, or worthy of the love that everyone was giving her. Every day she would say, "But what do I know?" And her Spectacular Daughter thought to herself...
You know how to be an amazing mom. You know how to make chili your special way and the perfect fudge at Christmas. You know how to raise kids who are smart and independent, and believe in themselves. You know how to change a diaper and warm a bottle. You know how to instill integrity and confidence in your family. You know how to clean until things are spotless (much to the daughter's chagrin). You know how to put together a classy yet tastefully hip outfit and look like a million bucks in it. You know how to have a really fun time, and how to beat the pants off of everyone in Yatzhee. You know how to be married for 29 years. And most importantly, you know how to love and love and love until you couldn't possibly love anymore.
And the Spectacular Daughter thought to herself, "Sure, I know how to read a book and write a report. But what in the world do you do with a baby? And a family? And how do you get the stains out of the carpet on the stairs!?!?! My Beautiful Mom knows where it's at. It's a good thing I'll be able to ask her how to do all this when I grow up..."
But the Beautiful Mom just couldn't be convinced and she got sick. So sick that she had to be rushed to the Dark and Terrible Hospital. But just when everyone thought the worst was to come, the Beautiful Mom reminded them that though she might not believe in herself, she was stubborn. And she was not a quitter. And that maybe her extraordinary love for her family and friends was enough to make it all worthwhile. And she fought! Oh, how she fought! She wrangled and wrestled the Evil Doubt Dragon and forced her way back to her Beautiful Life from seemingly impossible circumstances. And the Charming Dad, and the Spectacular Kids rejoiced and clapped and laughed and loved because they had their Beautiful Mom back!
But sadly, not every fairy tale has a happy ending. Despite the Charming Dad and the Spectacular Kids best efforts, and despite the fact that the Beautiful Mom knew somewhere, deep down, that she was indeed Beautiful and Fabulous and Special and worthy of all the love the world could give her, it just wasn't enough. She fought the evil Doubt Dragon to the very end, and showed extraordinary courage and valor, but soon, he was just too Powerful and Evil, and the Beautiful Mom died...
As with everything the Beautiful Mom touched, though, there was a lot of good that came out of her Brave and Beautiful Life. The Charming Dad had 29 years of marriage with a woman he loved and who loved him. The Spectacular Kids learned what it means to love unconditionally, and to be loved unconditionally; to commit to things and to follow through; To never take being confident in yourself for granted; How to be brave beyond your means and how to overcome impossible circumstances. And most importantly, what it takes to be a hero.
And even though the Spectacular Kids won't be able to call the Beautiful Mom for advice anymore, and the Charming Dad lost his best friend and his lover, none of them will ever forget what the Beautiful Mom taught them or what she mean to them or how much they all loved each other.
And that is the happiest ending that anyone could ask for.
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My heart could explode with the love I feel for you Mom. I simply don't know what I'll do without you.
You always were and always will be the most amazing woman I have ever had the privilege to meet.
You are my hero.
I love you.
Jessica | | |
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2007 Awards
Current mood:  accomplished
Taken from my lovely friend Chris- thank you!
2007 Awards
1)
DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR Well, you can't rule out the old standby's-
so to Willow and John, thank you for continuing to encourage my
alchoholic tendancies. The newcomer award goes to Shawnna Jorgensenn
(is that how you spell it?). I forsee many more long nights of wine and
chat at Schillers...not to mention BC.
2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD
(longest friend) drumroll please! Sarah Matthes, my best friend in the
entire world, with whom I have been acquainted for 24 YEARS! That
being said, I must mention those who have hit the 10 year mark, as
that is a pretty big accomplishment- Steve, Antuan, Grant, Jermaine,
JVP, Avery , Audrey, Jessie B., Laura Bess. I love you all so much!
3)
NEWCOMER AWARD (newest friend) Hmm.. once again, I think Shawnna gets
this one. I'm a bit scared- we like the same clothing stores,
restaurants, friends..this could mean a giant dent in my wallet.
4)
HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR Two-fold: 1) Singing "Sleepy Man" in Robber
Bridegroom every night for a month. One of the proudest and most
exciting moments .of my theatrical life so far. 2) Seeing articles
about House of the Roses in In Style Magazine and Dance Spirit.
5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR ongoing family and friend illnesses.
6)
BEST HOLIDAY My birthday. (is that a holiday?) Seriously. I cannot
remember the last time I laughed like that for hours on end.
7) YOUR SONG FOR 2007 Um, Everybody's a bit racist?
8) MOVIE FOR 2007 Well, I don't really watch many movies, so by default, 30 days of Night, Halloween, and No Country for Old Men
9)
WITH WHOM DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES DAY? I can't remember- either with
Avery or working. I gave up valentine's day in fourth grade. John
Maybrier gave me a rose, and i just decided...it doesn't get any better
than this...
10) BEST RELATIONSHIP the one between me and my bed.
11)
WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN? Although I was unable to pull it off in
time, I wanted to be a sausage. I simply wanted to be sitting at my
desk at work, and as everyone came in to the office, I would be there,
in a plush sausage outfit, with fat white fingers, typing at my
computer, waving hello. What actually happened is I put on all my
worst 80's inspired dance clothes and went to dinner with my friend
john, who went as a one eyed pimp.
12) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR Schillers, you will always treat me right, but Centro is running a close second currently..
13)
BOOK OF THE YEAR You know, I actually am reading a book about the
carriage trade real estate industry in NY right now- upper class, high
soceity fifth avenue stuff. I think it takes the cake. Makes me wonder
why people are allowed to exist..
14) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR To take care of myself and stop being a twat.
15) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR? get M*ther F*cking rich. And travel a bit.
16) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK We all know that I most certainly do not get drunk
17) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR Big fan of the heroes. Looking forward to Lost
18)
MOST LOYAL FRIEND Sarah is a shoe-in, but Jermaine gets it for this
year. Lots of bad stuff happened that I didn't really want to share
with anyone, but he could always be found in our living room listening
if I needed it.
19) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR I cut off all my toes in the name of fashion.
20)
BIGGEST RETARD AWARD My superintendent, who instead of fixing the
plumbing so our ceiling will stop leaking and falling in us has now
recovered the ceiling with plaster twice- magically hoping that this
will somehow fix itself.
21) NEW YEAR RESOLUTION Book a
commercial. Share my passion and knowledge with others. Meet a lot of
people who can teach me something new. Work harder not to be so closed
off to inviting new people into my life in new ways. Continue to eat
and live as healthy as possible. Keep appreciating my amazing friends
to the fullest extent possible. Travel out of the country. Attempt to
sustain a relationship for longer than two weeks. Sing my face off this
summer. :) | | |
| choosing an artform as your career has always been tricky. We've lived through hundreds of years of painters, actors, dancers, and musicians pursuing their passion, knowing that they deserve to earn their livelihood from their talents. It seems that along with that pursuit comes a certain sense of tunnel vision. When our bottom line is the art we create, and everything else is a means to an end, we sometimes forget that there are other people essential to our journey who have a more "practical" bottom line (and it isn't people's happiness). Or, perhaps we actually don't forget about them, but, in fact, we co-exist so peacefully for a time, that we trick ourselves into thinking that maybe this could all work out.
Enter the Local 1 strike. The effects of this on my life, and millions of others, are so far reaching - each day as we all convene in bars, in the theatre and in the streets to talk through this mess and try to sort out how we feel (the epitome of wallowing in a gray area), we become aware of a new piece of the fallout - things we couldn't have even imagined when this started, and probably won't be able to fully process for a long time.
I have felt something this week that I have never felt before. Shame to be in this profession. We have unknowingly/knowingly tied ourselves, as artists and as a union, so closely to these people that we have lost any ability to stick to the principles we have committed ourselves to being guided with. No matter how you feel about the situation, if you choose to be practical, you have to support this strike - because if you don't, and the producers break Local 1, May will be the beginning of the end for acting, designing, creating as a Profession.
It's November 20th, 2007, and I'm looking down the barrell of a shotgun that might end my ability to be recognized as a professional AND an artist. To be treated with the dignity and respect that my committment to my art, my discipline, my talent and my drive demands.
And for what? A union that abuses it's power and the producers who let them do it. Now, the world is talking about unions outliving their usefulness, and I'm thinking, that can't be true; without our union, we go back to the beginning (although, would that be a bad thing?)
In the end, there will always be an artist who is willing to do his or her work for a lot less than they are worth, because the art is what really matters at the end of the day. And there will always be the other people, whose livelihood is "just a job" and who will demand and pressure and coerce until they get what they feel is fair compensation for their unhappiness.
Black and white is almost non-existant in this situation, and certainly, both sides are at fault in what has turned out to be a complete disaster. But what I do know is that I have been bullied, by the situation, by the unions, and by the circumstances, to support one side of this disagreement, or else lose my life as I know it. I cannot tell you how sad I am to have ended up in a situation like that.
I would also be remiss in not mentioning what this strike has done to everyone else in the city who are not directly involved; our sales at our restaraunt are down thousands and thousands of dollars. In a city where being a waiter is a career, the effects of this drop off during the holidays puts an enormous number of families in hardship. Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS raises 30% of their funds from Broadway shows during this season. Their individual Grant Giving in January is drawn from the holiday drives. Since they'll be losing upwards of 3 million dollars, what happens to the AIDS organization in Iowa who was depending on that grant to keep their facility running?
After almost two weeks of talking about this, with friends, customers, other artist, I still don't have a clearcut idea of where the right is in this mess of wrong. What I do know is the uneasy feeling I have, of the strange and somber atmosphere of all the theatre people in my bar, of the deserted streets in Hells Kitchen during a holiday week, and of the sadness I feel that it ever came to this... | | |
| I started blogging so I could share all the wonderful/hilarious/intriguing/retarded NYC stories I could possibly come up with (didn't have to try very hard, did I?). Somewhere between traveling a lot and being busy in the past few years, I've forgotten to take a few minutes to look around and notice what's been going on (or perhaps it's just because I couldn't afford contact and actually couldn't see). One way or the other, I was inspired to write again this week, which is a nice feeling.
Last Sunday, the House of the Roses kids and I spent the morning at the New York City marathon. We were at the 20 mile marker, and I can't remember ever being a part of something so inspirational. There is something so magic about A) watching so many people (they were running by us for almost two hours) do the seemingly impossible- running 26 miles! and B) having a whole neighborhood in the Bronx out on the streets with the express purpose of cheering these people on and supporting them- clapping, yelling, cheering, dancing-- giving them the energy and strength to continue on and finish... It was truly one of those moments where you become acutely aware of, excited and inspired by the seemingly endless possiblities of human acheivment. Also, to all those who say New Yorkers are rude and mean, I say, come to the Willis Bridge Marathon Block Party in the Bronx next year. You're missing out. ;)
In other news, my life has once again proven to be a modern continuation of the I Love Lucy show. The other day, I accidently paid over $400 to get my hair dyed and cut. Accidently. Accidently!! I can feel your doubt and judgement from over here, but you can quit that right about now. ;) There was a serious discrepancy in the information provided to me by my friend who booked my appointment, and what actually ended up happening. Anyway, on the I Love Jessi show, I get up from the salon chair, so excited, looking great, walk up to the front desk...the gal says, "That will be $364.00 please". My eyes roll back in the back of my head, I comically pass out. Then I have to go home and explain to Ricky (Jermaine) how I accidenly spent $400 on my hair. $400 on my hair! Did I mention $400 on my hair? Only in New York kids, only in New York.
Finally, you know it is a sad state affairs when the holiday season is rung in by none other than...Starbucks. I went in to get my coffee this morning, pissy and tired, and the place was all decked out for the holidays, with visions of EggNog Lattes dancing in my head. All of a sudden, there was a smile on my face and I was looking forward to life.
Thank you Starbucks. You are truly commerce at it's best.
Happy Holidays ya'll.
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| Man.
I get home from seeing what may be my favorite horror movie EVER (House of 1000 corpses, in case you are counting) in the best mood (is it weird that grisly gorey horror movies make me happy?) only to find out that Tommie Walsh died today. For those of you who don't know, he's the original Bobby in A Chorus Line (among other things). I didn't know him well, but I had met and chatted with him quite a few times, through Donna.... He was responsible for my nickname "Ms. Kittens" and was so delightfully kind to me every time I met him. Couple that with the fact that I know intimately how much Donna cared for and respected him as well as Mitzi, the woman I learned the original choreo to ACL from...all these bizarre connections-- he just kept coming into my life. He was so young, and last I saw him, there was no sign of illness...anyway, I'm totally flabbergasted, and for some weird reason, really feeling the loss of him in our community... This, of course, is all on the tail of finding out the man who stage manages Roses are Dance ( my non-profits year end show) who is the most kind, giving, generous, professional, delightful man I know in the Broadway theatre, has pancreatic cancer and it's getting worse... it was so difficult to see him Monday, completely gray, aged ten years since last summer, and very gaunt...
no matter how many times you go through it, it never gets easier, does it?
ugh.
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